It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize