She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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