do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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