I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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