You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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