What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had sex on a roof
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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