we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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