you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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