remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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