I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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