if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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