I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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