So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize