dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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