I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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