I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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