if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
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every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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