i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize