I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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