I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
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i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
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Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize