Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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