never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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