I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So apparently I’m into choking now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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