Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
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Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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