puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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