alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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