So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
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Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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