I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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