Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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