WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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