Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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