Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize