scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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