I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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