Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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