His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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