he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize