I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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