there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize