You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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