He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize