marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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