I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize