i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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