Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize