I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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