I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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