WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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