Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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