This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize